I have always been anxious about many things -- spiders, death, sitting next to dirty windows -- to the point where I approach life the same way I approach trampolines: with great hesitance. But if clothing allows for one thing, it's the ability to live out an alter ego as someone else.
With so much misery and uncertainty in the world, it is only natural to look for coping mechanisms. I myself have turned to the only thing I've ever known -- that is, leading a healthy and well-adjusted lifestyle. While some may find clean living difficult to follow in the age of "processed foods" and "surfing the Internet" and "sitting down," I've distilled this lifestyle into a few unique tips for helping people cope through the next four years.
When a reputable source (Tumblr) said that Libras would take over the style game in 2016 I was like damn, this is my year. I opened my window, letting in the cool, January 1st air, and blew a kiss to the moon knowing that my dream of becoming a fashionista would finally come true. Then I started planning my ascent to become the style icon I was always destined to be.
Going out and being social can be tough, which is why sometimes (most times) I like to come up with excuses to cancel. There are times, however, when going out is unavoidable. And sometimes, the most stress-inducing of times, you have to go to these events alone. I have been in this situation a various amount of times, which is why I feel I am qualified enough to create a helpful guide on how to survive these events.
The year is 2015 and I have good news and bad news. The good news is that the rash finally goes away. The bad news is that Iggy Azalea is nominated for not one but four Grammys. The reason I'm writing to you is because I want to provide some valuable wisdom that would have been really nice to know back in high school. With those braces and that fedora, you really need it.
I was once a wide-eyed kid, certain of my future as a billionaire with six Egyptian cats, four mistresses, and a pack of rotweilers. But I am older now, and I see that I will not be a billionaire, I hate animals, and the amount of mistresses I will have is still to be determined. Unfortunately, I am still just as clueless about what I want to do with my life as when I was seventeen. The only difference is that I am finally at the age where I can see my actual potential.